Know Erik Even If You Never Did
On May 10, I was in Erik’s dining room, but he wasn’t there. Just pictures of someone who used to exist. 46 years old. 2 months younger than me.
His aunt and I stood in the dining room. She told me the table and chairs had been her mother’s. Then they were Erik’s mother’s. “You probably remember them from her house,” she said, and I did. Now, they were Erik’s.
That table held a family and its countless birthdays, Christmases, Easters, Thanksgivings, celebrations, and mourning. It held Erik until it couldn’t anymore.
Like a proper Italian family, love and pride lived in their food at that table. Erik’s mother opened my eyes to the simple beauty of a real Italian sauce. Years later, as an adult, I got to ask her about the technique. I wish she were here to see what I’m working on. I know that if no one else saw the value in it, she would.
The last time I saw Erik was at her funeral on December 15, 2023. I was so grateful to be there to honor her and to support him, but it’s hard for me to grasp it was the last time. You can make sense of an 80-year-old dying, even a healthy one, but not her child. I remember Erik saying that he only wished he’d had more years with her. I wish I had more years with Erik in this world.
Erik and I had a rare friendship and shared a long stretch of life that shaped both of us. There’s something especially sad about losing someone who knew you and loved you at your most genuine, before adulthood and all the guardedness that comes with it.
I don’t want people to forget Erik, but the world moves on so fast now, doesn’t it? His mother’s funeral was full. People showed up, but there weren’t that many at Erik’s. That disappointed me so much. A young, vibrant, beloved person already being forgotten.
A couple of days after Erik died, I started writing down memories, things I didn’t want to lose. I wish I could remember more details, but I don’t want to forget anything else. I’ll keep adding to this list over time. I don’t want to let them slip away.
May 5, 2025
You and I were two weird kids who didn't fit in, found each other, and bonded unconditionally. We became best friends and partners in crime.
I wish I could remember more details like when we really became friends and how that happened.
What I do remember:
- Your silly, infectious laugh
- Your good nature
- Winnie the El Camino (that horn!)
- The accident
- Recording "I've Got You Babe" and "Somewhere Out There" at Geauga Lake (where is that tape?)
- Being educated on fancy coffee at Cherrypickers. Lattes for the first time ever.
- Pizza (spinach) at Inner Circle
- Going to the movies and seeing Casino with your parents on New Year's Eve, 1995
- School trips, especially Cleveland Museum of Art and the retainer incident
- Band camp
- The dollar theater
- The endless movies we watched at your house because of your dad's video store
Weren't we lucky? Two Gen X kids with the freedom to roam the world together. No phones. No questions asked. Just a "be home by midnight." We always made it...even if our cars sometimes didn't.
June 8, 2025
- Your silly, infectious laugh
- Going on the Gateway Clipper for school field trips and after dances
- When you lived in Vegas, you told me the Wheel of Fortune slot machine was the best, and it still is
- Being at my Elvis Las Vegas wedding (the real wedding!). You arranged an "after party" at Peppermill.
- The British pub you took me to in Las Vegas where I had warm Scotch eggs
- Showing off the Palms casino to me when it was new and very hip
- Taking me to downtown Las Vegas
- I saw The Rocky Horror Picture Show once...near Pitt when I visited you
- I tried the soft-shell crab sushi you ordered and gagged at the horrible crunching between my teeth
- NYC with our moms. Your mom had sore feet and we sat on the steps of the NY Public Library. You two saw Miss Saigon, and I have no idea what show my mom and I saw. We decided on a whim to go see a movie in New Jersey where we were staying (I think it was The Pelican Brief.) Our mothers were upset when we appeared three hours later thinking something bad had happened to us...LOL
- NYC that other time ;-)
- So many fun nights at TGI Friday's. I always ordered the chicken teriyaki skewers or the potato skins.
I’m saving Erik’s obituary here, too, in case it ever disappears in other places.
Know him even if you never did.
Erik Martin VanBuren, 46, passed away on May 3, 2025, in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Born on July 17, 1978, in New Castle, Pennsylvania, Erik lived a life marked by curiosity, compassion, and a vibrant spirit that touched all who knew him.
A proud graduate of West Middlesex High School in the Class of 1996, Erik pursued his passion for understanding the human mind and behavior at the University of Pittsburgh, where he earned a Bachelor of Science in Psychology in 2001. His dedication to helping others led him to further his education at UPMC Shadyside School of Nursing, where he became a Registered Nurse in 2012. The following year, he advanced his credentials by earning certification as a Certified Addictions Registered Nurse (CARN), reflecting his commitment to supporting individuals facing some of life's most difficult challenges.
Erik's professional journey was defined by empathy and intelligence-qualities that made him not only a skilled nurse but also a trusted presence for those in need. His ability to connect with people on a deep level was matched by his boundless energy and unique sense of humor. Whether offering care to patients or sharing laughter with friends and family, Erik brought light into every room he entered.Outside of his career, Erik cultivated a rich array of interests that reflected his inquisitive nature and joyful personality. He found peace and satisfaction in gardening-both indoors and out-nurturing life with the same attentiveness he gave to those around him. He delighted in watching television and movies, often sharing recommendations with enthusiasm. A passionate coin collector and avid reader, Erik loved diving into research on nearly any topic that piqued his interest. His love for singing added yet another layer to his expressive soul.
Erik is survived by his beloved husband, Andrew Vincent Gorenz; brothers Timothy Mark Van Buren (Tamara) and Jeffrey Michael Van Buren (Courtney); as well as many nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, and cousins who will carry forward memories of his warmth and wit. He was preceded in death by his parents, Jeffrey Martin and Mary Ann Van Buren.
Those who knew Erik will remember him as intelligent and loving-someone whose spirit could brighten even the darkest day and whose empathy left an indelible mark on countless lives. Erik's final act of kindness was to give the gift of life through organ donation. May his memory bring comfort to all who mourn his passing. A Memorial Service will be held on May 10, 2025, from 10:00 AM to 11:00 AM at Union Dale Cemetery 2200 Brighton Road. Inurnment will immediately follow memorial service.
In lieu of flowers and other arrangements that are typically sent to a funeral home or church, please consider making a donation towards Erik's Flower Endowment. Funds will go directly towards ensuring Erik's grave receives seasonal flowers and foliage year round. Placement and Maintenance is managed through Union Dale Cemetery.
https://www.gofundme.com/f/ensure-eriks-resting-place-blooms-yearroundI’ll always know Erik. I hope now you do, too.